This really sucks

So much happened this week at work and at home it is crazy how fast the weeks go by now that most of my day is spent at work.
I really don't like working at all I feel like I work all day and never see my kids and then when payday is here and it should be the BIG pay off...it is for next to nothing... With mike and I both working we are still struggling to pay the bills. This makes me so depressed because Christmas is coming and we have NOTHING at all to buy Christmas with. I don't know what to do. I feel like getting a second job but then I would really never see the kids. This is so AWFUL!!! Mike and I work so hard and for what to struggle to make ends meet. Mike is worried about getting laid off and I hate my job. I think I just hate the idea of working in general because I feel like I am neglecting my kids. Savannah and Seth both have field trips that they want me to go on BUT NO I can't I have to work.....I don't think i would mind if I didn't have to work every day. If I just worked like 12 hour shifts and then could spend some time with the kids when I was off.- But then what would I do with Sloan all day everyday...He would not have Crossroads to go to.
I really just want to scream......I feel like there is no way out for us if I don't work we r screwed and if I do work then we or I are screwed.....

New day~

It is October 3rd and I have been VERY depressed lately. I was very overwhelmed with teaching the 2-3year old. I decided to tell Lori (my boss) because Christie this awesome lady that I work with told me that they will not know if I don't tell them. I told them I wanted to be with the babies not itty ones but ones around 10-18 months. A week went buy not knowing what was going on and NOW I am in the dandelions class it is a class made up of 10 12-18 month old and I LOVE it I loving playing with babies all day (since I will not have any more) then when I get home to my kids I can handle them way better I think that dealing with kids close in age to mine was getting very hard on me. I would listen to kids whine all day and then come home and listen to kids whine all night it was enough to drive a person mad.
Yes I have to change diapers but none the less it is way easier to me to deal with the little ones. It is a whole different world over in the infant dept. I don't get to see Sloan as much as I would like but at least I didn't have to quit which i was thinking i would have to.... I am glad that I told someone I was so unhappy. ~
I went to the doc. on tuesday for my depression and my back pain it has been VERY bad latly since I have been picking up the little kids. I also think it is time to get it FIXED~! SO there is no more pain . I got X-Ray's done and it took for ever for the doc. to call me back about the results. But she finly did today she said that one of my vertibra is on top of the other on and she wanted to do an MRI . I asked if I could just do PT and the doc. said we could yes we could try that first. I don't know really what the plan is if the PT doesn't work I am guessing an MRI and see if anything elese is going on.